Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts

Sunday, April 15, 2012

JOKE OF THE DAY | BILL GATES RECRUITMENT


Oghene was tired of working as a security guard so when he heard that Bill Gates was holding a mass interview to select a new head of operations for Microsoft Worldwide he thought..heck why not.  

5,000 people showed up for the interview and Gates started by asking all those who couldn't write Java in binary code to leave the room. Oghene thought: what the hell dese pipo na mumu, who know weda I sabi or no sabi...2,000 people left but Oghene sat tight.


Gates continued by asking all those who had never supervised a thousand people or more to excuse themselves. As 2,000 more candidates trooped out, Oghene thought to himself: na lie oh, wetin I fit lose..I no dey kommot. 

Gates then asked all those who did not possess at least two doctorate degrees, with one of them in Computer programming, to leave the room. Even though Oghene had dropped out of school at 15, he put on his haughtiest demeanour and thought: dem no go embarrass me jare, I go siddon remain for here. 

Finally Gates asked all those who couldn't speak Ancient Mandarin Chinese to go. Only two candidates remained in the room. Oghene and one other. Bill Gates walked over to them and said: Well it seems you're the only two people who can speak Ancient Mandarin Chinese, I'd like to hear a conversation in that language... 

...Oghene turned to the other candidate and muttered: Wahala don come oh, which kind kaka be dis.... 

....the other candidate turned and replied:....bros which kind wahala na?..you too fear,shine ya eye, make we just yarn dey go na ! mandarin mavo ? ​and they got the job
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Saturday, April 14, 2012

ANOTHER TOUGH JAMB QUESTION FOR YOU

If U think u're better than those who didn't pass Jamb? Try these few Jamb left over questions.

Bonus Question: (*): Using Almighty Formula, calculate the diameter of Banky W's head (take ♊=3.14)"

(1) Calculate M.I's Height

(2): Wande Coal's complexion is ? A) Dark B) Coal Tar C) Goodnight D) All of the above.

(3): If Nokia is connecting people then what is blackberry doing (a) stressing people (B)annoying people, (c) extorting people, (d) destroying people.

(4): If Ur X-Boyfriend Wins N100Million Naira In The Glo WINBIG Promo 2 Days After U Broke Up! FIND X! I Repeat! Find X!

(5): If Torres scored two goals last october and scored two in march, when next will he score?

(6): What is blackberry in Yoruba?

(7): If Ada is a girl, and Obi is a boy, who is Adaobi?

(8): Which university has d highest no of babes dat travel to dubai for 2weeks and return wif british accent?

(9): What genre of music do mosquitoes sing? (A)Fuji (B) Juju (C) Hip-Hop (D) Reggae?

(10): How many Virgins do we have left in Nigeria?

Each question carries equal mark.
Time: 2mins:47sec

Use the comment forms for your answer.lol
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JOKE OF THE TIME | THE CASKET SELLER

An Igbo man who makes caskets was going to deliver one of his coffins late at night and his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
 
Nigerian Police with their wahala saw him and wanted to exhort money from him so they challenged him Come where u dey carry dat tin go?" Trust Igbo man na,he replied "i no like d place where dem bury me, so i dey try relocate
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JOKES | THE LADIES TOILET



A guy in a hurry entered the ladies toilet instead of the men's toilet in a hotel. He sat down and noticed four buttons with the following inscriptions on them: WW, WA, PP & APR.

Being curious, he pressed the WW button and his buttocks was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much! 

He then pressed the WA button and a blast of WARM AIR dried his buttocks. Still loving it, he pressed the PP button and a POWDER PUFF rubbed on his buttocks to make him smell fresh.
 
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last buttonwhich is the APR button. He later woke up in a hospital, a nurse smiled and asked him;

 Sir did you press the APR button? Yes! he replied. Hmmmmm, i'm sorry, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine could'nt find a pad on yo, it went for your balls. Your balls are in this jar
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MORE JOKES | SE X EXPLANATION

SON: Dad,why is making love so
enjoyable?

DAD: Its like the sensation when you
are digging your nose with your finger!

SON: Why do women enjoy more than
men?

DAD: It is because when you dig your
nose, your nose feels more comfort
than your finger!

SON: Why do they hate it when they get
raped?

DAD: Its like when you are walking on
the street, someone else comes over
and digs your nose; do you like it?

SON: Why can't women have sex when
they are having menses?

DAD: If your nose is bleeding, do you
still dig it?

SON: Why do men not like to wear
condoms when they are making love?

DAD: Do you like to dig your nose with
your nose with a glove on your finger

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Cheers
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JOKE OF THE DAY | NEIGHBOURS WIFE

A guy has been admiring his neighbour's wife. The neighbour's wife always give him this seductive smile. The guy didn't know how to approach the lady. He's afraid. One day the lady herself met the guy alone in ... his apartment.

GUY: hi.
LADY: Hi.
GUY: Is everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little help from u (Smiling seductively.)
GUY: wow! Anything 4 the angel.
LADY: I...I...I...just dont know how to say dis. I'll be so ashamed of
myself if u say no.

GUY: oh my lady. U dont have to. I am ready to do anything 4 u.
LADY: U know, it's been over 3 weeks since my husband
travelled...

GUY: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he's around, he has some... (pause for
a while) he has some disabilities...

GUY: Oh poor you... You must have been going through hell!
LADY: I know u'll be stronger than him...
GUY: Sure.

LADY: Can u help me?
GUY: Wow! Now?

LADY: oh thank goodness! that's why I came to u. Can u help me
carry my deep freezer from the parlour to my kitchen
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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

EASTER GRAMMAR GREETINGS BY HON. PATRICK OBAHIAGBON

Have you read the Easter Greetings by our beloved, lawyer, Hon Patrick Obahiagbon. in case you don't know him, he is the one who speaks grammar in the House of Assembly.
save image 
“Beyond the fugacious razzmatazz of the moment, I seriously call attention to the rutilanting and coruscating modus vivendi of Master Jesus the Christ and I dare pontificate that save and until we viscerally emblematize the virtues of self-immolation, quintessential abnegation, eulogizeable simplicity, Christ-like humility and immerse ourselves in a platonic emotionalism of agape love and communalistic service, we would have woefully failed in learning and imbibing the true meaning of EASTER.
We must elevate this moment from a proscenium of joie de vivre into one of meditative transcendentalism

Now, you can try if you can speak this.lol

Cheers
Read more ...
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